THERAPEUTIC QUOTES BY MR. E STYLE
Quotes may be reprinted without permission however must be credited to Lyle E Style along with notice and a copy of the published quote/publication sent to mrestyle@shaw.ca

 

I’m thinking of legally changing my name to “Someone”, that way I’d be the most quoted and most misquoted person in history. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

May you live long enough to watch me grow old. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Ever since I started in the entertainment business, I've felt like the unpicked whore who stands in line all day at a bargain Cathouse. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I'm happy with everyone’s success except mine. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

When you live in a society that specializes in mediocrity, the secret to happiness is to have very low expectations. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Saint Johnny Cash said "songs are like children", if that's so, I'm disappointed with what became of all of my children. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I know how to disappoint nearly everybody… all I’ve got to do is be myself. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I know exactly what to do with everything I have except my university education. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

If I've learned anything from university, it's that my opinions are wrong and I probably shouldn't have gone to university in the first place. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

My life is nearly over and I have no idea what to do with it. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

The sadness in my eyes and the lines on my face are the music industry awards I carry with me everywhere I go. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

If I only had one day left to live, I'd sleep in. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

If I would have started working six months earlier in life, I wouldn't be in debt.
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Crime doesn’t pay, neither does the music industry and that, my friends, should be a crime. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I encourage everyone to donate just $5 more to charity than they were planning on giving this year, that way I don't feel bad for not giving anything. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

God is great but I wouldn't say he's a great active listener. I’m always left wondering if he heard me. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I was a Catholic for most of my life, now I’m a Corinthian. It’s much better, instead of going to church, all I have to do is read my mail. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

The only thing I’ve mastered in life is the art of shame. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I am underwhelmed by the success of my realized dreams. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

If I had a clone of myself, I wouldn't hang out with him much, if at all. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

When someone around me has hiccups, it brings the worst out in me. Fast. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Every flaw I find in my wife makes me feel more worthy of being her husband. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Our baby was blessed with his mother’s good looks, the placenta was a splitting image of me. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I'm a household name in Canada. Problem is, it's only in my household. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I've spent the better part of my life coming to terms with the fact that even my best isn't that great. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

My father said he can't figure me out. I can't figure myself out either. I guess I take after him. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Without her I'm nothing… like I used to be. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I ran into a girl I dated years ago. I tried so hard to get into her pants then, now I see that she's trying to do the same. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I am totally against premarital sex… unless it's with me. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

As a kid if I didn't go to sleep, I'd get a licken... Now I can't go to sleep without one. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Never read a magazine in a doctor's office or breathe in an elevator in a hospital. You're really taking a chance with your health if you do. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I've never been in the mood to listen to a Michael Jackson song. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I have a way of making a happy song sound sad. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

There are too many good songs in this world to waste your time listening to one you don't like. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

All this living is getting pricey. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I’m looking forward to my next birthday, it’s going to be the oldest I’ve ever been. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

My Grandmother always waits until after my birthday to send me a card, this way she can buy it for half price. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

A person doesn't have to punch themselves in the face to teach themselves a lesson that they should never punch themselves in the face. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

People driving bicycles on the snowy winter streets should be eligible for handicapped parking. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I don't want kids, I'm thinking of getting a circumcision. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

If I ever have a kid I'd want it to be an outdoor kid. My Grandparents had an outdoor dog on the farm and I admired that, it never made a mess in the house. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I don't have it in me to exercise. And by "it", I don't know what I mean. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

If it were a hundred years ago right now, my mediocre mind would be that of a genius. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

If I was told I had to live my life over again, it would even be more stressful as I'd never remember all I had to do, especially in what order. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

The majority of gigs I've played have been for charity and it really got me thinking: am I doing the shows for charity or vice versa. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

The girl at Starbucks told me "have a great day!" I don't like people I don't know telling what to do... It puts me in a miserable mood. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

When I get real angry or real depressed I don't floss my teeth before I go to bed. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I'm even surprised how unsuccessful I've turned out to be. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I've never craved a piece of fruit in my life. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I can’t get my mind to be quiet. I studied Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer & Eckhart Tolle but the thought of not thinking is all I can think about. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I can't figure out if I'm depressed or just lazy. Can a person be clinically lazy?
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

If I were a better person, I'd have more success and friends. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

When I'm depressed, I read music magazines from 1972 so I can read about all of my heroes in present tense. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I'm depressed because my goal of having people illegally download my last CD never came true. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I've forgotten the better part of my life, if not most of it. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

It may not be in my lifetime but someday I'll be in style. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I've never met a person who actually was who I thought they were. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

People are constantly mistaking me and my music for Brad Pitt’s brother Stu. I constantly have people accuse me that an original song that I wrote is his or I hear people yell “Hey Stu Pitt” when in fact, I’ve never even seen the guy or heard any of his music. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I wish I was a “has-been”, then I could daydream of when things were actually going good in my career. Maybe someday my wish will come true. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

At any given time there are millions of people ready to tell someone off. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Despite years of acting classes, I couldn’t fake an interest in sports. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

The only time I know my wife is happy with me is when I am vacuuming. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I went for an operation on my nose before I had more kids just there was no chance they would inherit my breathing problems. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I thought I hit the height of my unpopularity three weeks ago, it turns out that it's this week. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I wonder if my life would be better in 2D. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I'm a disappointment to myself and my parents. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I use Twitter to complain instead of seeing a psychiatrist. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I notice with each tweet I twat, I lose at least one follower. Soon, it'll just be my shadow following me. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I don't have anything against people living alternative lifestyles but I do feel bad for some of their pets who have no say in the matter. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Since becoming a Dad, given the choice of taking a nap or doing literally any activity I wanted, I'd take a nap over 99% of the time. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

The vast majority of problems on this planet are a result of people having children who can't support them through their own labours. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

The tables were turned when I went to vote: I had planned to cancel someone else's vote but instead the guy behind me cancelled mine. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I want what I don't need and I need what I don't want. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Life is very time consuming. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

According to my will: at my funeral, the cake will say "Happy Deathday Lyle! Sorry, you can't have any cake." 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Furniture can go dramatically up or down in value if someone dies on it depending on who that person was. My goal is to be famous enough for it to maintain the original value I paid for it. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

A part of me is sad at every funeral I attend because I know it means that it is one less person coming to mine. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Out of respect to the gentleman whose funeral I attended earlier today, I have no intension of enjoying my evening with the in-laws. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Is it in bad taste to go to a funeral in the morning and then try to enjoy the rest of the day? Or is it best to spend the whole day sad? 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I'm in no rush to get my inheritance: ceramic birds, statues of Mary & Jesus, and a bunch of VHS tapes. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Sometimes I wonder if God, spirit guides and guardian angels understand English. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I haven't enjoyed my day too much today despite multiple efforts. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I'm too depressed to take my antidepressants. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I have a reoccurring dream that I can’t fall asleep. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I've spent most of my life being tired. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I wish I had a copper for every person on the planet that never heard of me. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I grew up being told it's rude not to share, but as a bitter adult, when I share my opinions, I'm told I'm being rude. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Is it just me or when someone signs an email or letter with "Regards", they are actually telling you to "f--- off"? 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I contributed nothing to the world today to make it a better place or a worse place. If I weren't here today, nobody would notice. Good day. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I'm told if you lose something that it's always in the last place you look. Not me, it takes me at least a dozen more places. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

It's funny that I basically forget how to fall asleep every night despite the fact that I've done it hundreds of times before. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

When I see someone driving give somebody the finger and honk at them, it makes me smile, and I feel content that I'm not the only one that has issues. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I think I'll apply to be a scientist that "searches for the cure" as I don't think there's any pressure in that job and it probably pays well. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

I think I'd be a much better and happier person and enjoy life more if I were deaf. I'd also sleep much better. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

After exhaustive biblical research, I was unable to find out what kind of aircraft Pontius Pilot flew. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

May you always enjoy whatever it is you do. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 

Time is a gift to give and a gift to sell. 
- Lyle E Style © Electric Recordings

 


Sad, Strange & Short True Stories by Mr. E Style

I moved to Vancouver to be an actor, singer and songwriter. I ended up being a waiter." "I was given a shift at a posh restaurant in Vancouver with the promise of being hired if I did a good job. At the end of the shift the owner told me he wasn't going to hire me. He then told me ‘don't get me wrong, you're better than nothing'". 

 

I got a job at Canadian Airlines in Vancouver. I had to leave a shift twenty minutes early one day for an audition for the last season of "X-Files".  I was still on probation so they fired me and I didn't get the part either. Thank God for credit cards.

 

I love Branson, Missouri but it didn't love me. Someone told me that my problem was that I was a wannabe in a has-been town. I auditioned to be in one of the local shows, after I sang an original song called "It's Not Me, It's You" the owner told me "Branson ain't a Playboy kind of town, we don't do what you do here." After that I was billed as "The Marilyn Manson of Branson", shortly after, I went back to Canada. 

 

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